wellness discussion: healthy relationships

So it’s 7:30 pm and I’m at work waiting to be able to do the next part of my job today at 8 pm. So I thought I’d write my Thursday post. I just got to catch up on a bunch of my favorite blogs that I’ve had to neglect this last week because I’ve been so busy and can I just say, I have missed you guys! I can’t wait for work to die down a little (as the phone rings again haha) so that I can focus on my blog and YOUR blogs some more ๐Ÿ™‚

I decided to make myself some popcorn to eat while I wait and now you get a special fact about Alyssa. I ALWAYS burn popcorn. Even if it’s just a tiny little bit. I always do. You would think it wouldn’t be that difficult to do it correctly but I just can’t explain it. The rest of my kettle corn was delicious though!

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Today I took my last test! Woohoo! Who knows how it went, but man alive, who cares! I’m done! You’re probably confused as to why I’m in classes since I’ve already graduated, so I’ll briefly explain. I graduated two years ago and then last fall decided I wanted to finish the last couple of classes I had in order to complete prerequisites for physical therapy school, so I did that this school year. Luckily I have a job that is super great about it and worked with me to get those done! However, I don’t think I’ll be pursuing physical therapy anymore. I have discovered Health Coaching and that seems way more up my ally and something I would be super passionate about. So that is my next adventure.

That being said, let me just brag a little bit about my beautiful campus. I seriously live in one of the prettiest places in the world.

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Remember how this morning (Wednesday) there was snow on the ground? Snow in the morning and gorgeous in the afternoon. Welcome to spring in good ol’ Utah!

I decided to sleep in this morning instead of working out and was able to wake up more rested than I’ve been in I don’t even know how long. Totally worth it. So as soon as I’m able to leave work I will be hurrying home to change and then go on my run. Tonight is a speed workout. 40 minute tempo run. Tomorrow morning will be 3 miles + strength. (I realize my tense is changing throughout this post. sorry. sometimes I forget that you’ll be reading this tomorrow. the current tomorrow. Thursday).

A friend of mine has another friend (I know! Besides me. Rude) who is in a very toxic relationship. The other day we were talking about it and I remembered I was going to do a wellness discussion on that very thing! Since I have also had to neglect my wellness discussion posts and I have a little bit of time now, I’m going to pick back up on them and keep it going with healthy relationships!

I’ve watched some of my friends going through romantic relationships that were downright terrible, family relationships cause severe anxiety and unhappiness and awful work relationships. It’s so important to have a health relationship with your family, your friends, your coworkers, hey! even with yourself! First we’ll start with 5 SIGNS YOU’RE IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP. (source)

  1. It seems like you can’t do anything right.
  2. Everything is about them and never you.
  3. You find yourself unable to enjoy good moments with this person.
  4. You’re uncomfortable being yourself around this person.
  5. You’re not allowed to grow or change.

If I may, I would like to add a couple of my own that I’ve witnessed in my friends going through these situations:

  • You are always the one to forgive and “fix” the situation.
  • You feel the need to hide things from them in order to not cause a fight (more than just being polite. you know the difference).
  • You experience severe anxiety in relation to that person.
  • You’re always making excuses for them and justifying incorrect behavior.
  • You’re carrying the relationship.

But what does a HEALTHY relationship look like? I found a list of 50 Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship on “Psychology Today” and picked out some of my favorites. It refers to your “partner” but just think of this as the other person in the relationship, even if it’s not a romantic one:

  • You see your partner as trustworthy.
  • You enjoy the ways your partner has changed and grown since you met.
  • Your partner is enthusiastic when something โ€œgoes rightโ€ for you.
  • You frequently express appreciation for each other. (this can be done professionally)
  • You respect your partnerโ€™s other relationships (with family, friends etc) and view them as important.
  • You have a sense that it’s easy to get your partner’s attention if you’ve got something important to say.

This article was directed toward romantic relationships but I think there are definitely aspects listed that can be applied to any type of relationship. Again, I’m going to add some basic characteristics of my own:

  • Mutual trust
  • R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
  • They inspire you to be a better you
  • You are happy when you are around them.
  • They support you and your goals, even if they don’t completely agree with them.
  • Dependable
  • Loyal

The point of any relationship is to be mutually beneficial. So make sure the ones that are in your life are enhancing your life and you are returning the favor. If they’re not good for you, don’t keep them in your life. It’s not worth it and you deserve better.

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What is something you’re really bad at cooking?

What did you study in college? If you’re in college, are you close to graduating?

Discussion! Please add to my lists of characteristics of toxic and healthy relationships!

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17 thoughts on “wellness discussion: healthy relationships

  1. I don’t have a lot of experience on relationships (okay, almost none), but these all sound like really great tips. Easier said than done, though, from the little I have seen or experienced in my own life. I have another full year left. Stupid chemistry. I couldn’t have chosen another major that would have allowed me to graduate in 3 years instead of 4? I enjoy reading other people’s blogs more than writing my own, I think. I love the balance but I look forward to seeing what my blog friends post every day. It’s a good break from reality!

  2. 1. Your campus is exquisite. I’m full of jealousy!!
    2. Yay for sleeping in and for a good workout/run.
    3. Is it even possible to make popcorn without burning it? Unless, of course, you’re at the movies where they do the labor for you! I’m REALLY BAD at cooking eggs over medium. The yolks always pop open and it is infuriating!
    4. Your friend having another friend is very rude! How dare she do such a thing!
    5. Finally, toxic relationships are so detrimental to every aspect of life. I have experience with them and I know it’s SO tough to realize that they are actually toxic for you. These are good signs to look for. My last relationship was filled with all these things (mostly, not enjoying activities that should have been fun when he was around) which is when I realized: if I can’t enjoy something as simple as watching TV or playing kickball with friends because he’s around – this isn’t the relationship for ME. My lesson was learned and I am certainly much more aware of what I’m feeling as a result.

    • I’m so glad you realized and got out of it! It’s so hard to watch good friends go through something like that. I do realize it’s hard though while you’re in it and hind sight is always 20/20.
      Hey eggs can be hard too! I’m not judging.

  3. Great discussion. I’ve been in unhealthy relationships (both romantic and friendships) and it is such a weight to carry, but you might not realize it until someone points it out to you. The “friendship” I was in was pretty controlling, and the boyfriend made passive aggressive comments about me, and I found out he was emotionally cheating on me with a minor (yeahhhh). But once they’re over, whether you end them or not, it’s amazing how much better you feel. I have been able to move on and am so much happier without people sucking the life out of me.

    I also burn popcorn a lot. I try to take it out of the microwave 20 seconds before it beeps, and that usually does it. Sometimes I just forget. Whoops!

  4. I LOVE burnt popcorn.. popcorn is one of my favorite foods/snacks and burnt is best! I’m glad that you’re finished!! I studied marine biology and spanish in college, and in grad school I’m studying Environmental Education. I just finished my first year, but I really love school.

  5. I have one to add to healthy relationships: when you have one liners that only you and the other person know about, it’s like your own language. I have that with my hubby. I have a BA in business admin with emphasis on management.

  6. Congrats on being done with classes! It is such a relief! I completed law school almost exactly one year ago and I still remember that incredible feeling of walking out of my last final exam!

    I am embarrassingly bad at cooking pancakes. I mean, it isn’t like they taste bad when I make them. But, without fail, I always overcook them or undercook them. I just can’t seem to find that sweet spot. It is pretty depressing actually. My only consolation is that I make french toast like a boss.

  7. Healthy: Thoughtful and respectful communication, genuine desire to spend time together, genuine appreciation for individuality and supportive of those important hobbies/interests that sometimes require time apart, and a willingness to compromise or let someone else have their own way if it is obvious that it is more important to them
    In college I studied Secondary Mathematics and English Education.

    • Oh I love those! Thank you for sharing! I completely agree with them.
      Oh how interesting! Sometimes I think I would have enjoyed Math education. I was (am!) one of those kids who always liked math.

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