When I was a kid, I was a lot more fearless than I am now. I’ve always been super emotional, so I would get embarrassed about the same as I do now. But I feel like I had more confidence in myself than I do now. I had a more definite idea of who I thought I was and who I was going to become. I had a life plan (right now I don’t even have a “pl..” name that show!). I was going to go through school and get a 4.0, graduate valedictorian, get a full ride scholarship to Harvard or Yale or something like that and become a doctor or a lawyer or something super prestigious. I truly thought I was great at anything I tried. I thought I was the best student, the best violinist, the best girl who could keep up with the boys at recess. I know I sound like a cocky brat, and maybe I was sometimes, but man oh man was I confident. I thought I could take the world by storm and that it would be a breeze.
Then I grew up. Things were hard. I failed at things I tried and there were people who were quite a bit better at them than me. I did excel in school but I wasn’t Valedictorian. I did get scholarships, but the one I ended up using wasn’t a full ride and it definitely wasn’t to an Ivy League (though I LOVE my alma mater!!!!). Now I am working and my job isn’t super prestigious. I’ve experienced and learned from disappointment and loss.
Now I’m far from being an adventure girl, though I do like my rush of adrenaline now and then. Who doesn’t?! I like things to be comfortable. I like knowing what’s going to happen. I don’t like the unknown. I think all of these feelings are felt by everyone, at least every now and then. Something that I have been learning though is when things are too comfortable and it’s time for change. And so long as I feel like I’ve got my Heavenly Father backing me up, I’m not afraid to take that plunge and to make that change.
In two months, I will be quitting my job and leaving the place where I have lived for the last 6 years. It’s the only place I’ve lived as an adult and it’s where I have learned, loved, grown, and expanded more than anywhere else in my life. I’m moving to a different city a couple of hours away and starting fresh. It’s scary to leave a place that I love so much. It’s hard to explain my reasoning for leaving. I have a good job with people I love and respect, I have a great home and roommates, and I’m pretty sure my valley is in the top 10 prettiest places ever. For me this all comes down to growth. I feel like where I’m at in my life, with the things that I want and the dreams I would like to pursue, I need to make a change in order for other changes to happen. If I stay here, I’ll be comfortable but I won’t be able to progress like I need to. I recognize this and as I see people around me leaving, growing and pursuing their dreams, it frustrates me to no end to still be where I’m at.
So here I go. I jumping in. Not without significant heartbreak and many tears. Not without fear and so many prayers that this will all turn out ok. Because right now, I have no plan. No job. No apartment. No idea what’s going to happen to me. But I know I’m doing what I need to be doing. I feel so much peace about it. I would do this if I didn’t feel it was 100% the right thing for me to do.
I think in a way running has prepared me for these experiences. The first time I signed up for a half marathon, I didn’t know if I could do it. I had to push myself and training harder and longer than I ever had before. Then after a couple, I was still convinced that was as far as I would ever go. Then in February, after my 3rd half, I realized 13.1 miles wasn’t going to cut it anymore. Not all of the time. So now I find myself signed up for a marathon in less than 3 months. It’s new, it’s scary and it’s something I’ve never done before. But it’s what I needed to do in order to progress as a runner.
I love when lessons learned from running cross over to life. Because as all of us runners know, running IS life. So here I go. I’m being brave and I’m making big changes. Here comes a wild ride.
Have you made any big changes recently?
How did you handle a big life change? (advice would be appreciated) 🙂
Do you consider yourself to be brave?